Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Please Mr. Postman...

I was going to call this post "Package Stalking" but after I typed it, I realized it looked terribly inappropriate. (Hilarious like none other, but inappropriate nonetheless.)

My computer should be here today or tomorrow and it's taking every ounce of my being to not check UPS' site every 5 minutes. In fact, I haven't checked it at all. I'm being awesome. (Too bad it's not Fed-Ex, eh Libby?)

Believe it or not, I actually had something of substance to blog about today. But (and this part you will totally believe) I completely forgot what it was.


After I typed that last part (20 minutes ago), I had a customer come in. This particular customer and I have a different type of relationship. He's one of those redneck "you can't possibly help me because you have lady parts" type of guys. The first time he came in, I'd only been working here for about 6 months and he yells "Where's the guy that used to sit there?" "I'm sorry sir, but this has been my desk for the last 6 months." "Well, you can't help me. I want him." "Um... I'm the only one here." "Well, then I'm leaving." "What, I can't help you because I'm a GIRL?!?!?! Sit down." And he did. And now I'm the only one who can help him. He can be a bit cantankerous at times, but somehow I make him behave.

Just a few minutes ago as I handed him his fixed phone, he goes "You know what? You're gonna make someone a good husband some day. Cook and clean and you might make someone a good wife!"


Then he goes "You got a boyfriend yet? Or are you still gay?"


I am not a lesbian.

I like man flesh.

I like people of the male persuasion.

I would say "I like package stalking" to tie in the line from before, but it's still inappropriate.


I know I don't do myself any favors by living with my best friend (who also happens to be a single female), but it's so frustrating! I WANT a boyfriend! I'm TRYING to find one! I PROMISE! (He's just hiding in a jungle somewhere or something.) I WANT children! With a MAN!!!

Why is it any one's business anyway?

I was telling my aunts about my "single for a year" thing and they said "Why on earth would you do that?" "No one's knocking down my door... I might as well have fun with my life. I blogged about it." "WHY WOULD YOU PUT THAT ON YOUR BLOG?!!? NO ONE WILL ASK YOU OUT!!!" "No one's asking me out anyway..." ("Quick!" I thought to myself. "Say something to make them happy!") "Maybe I'll meet someone really stubborn and he'll decide he must break my streak..."

That made them happy.

I love my family, my friends and my random customers who think I need my soul mate and I need him now.

But I don't.

I'll need him when God decides I need him. For right now, I don't need him.

My friend Keith put this on his Facebook yesterday: "Good news of the day: The hands that hold the world are holding your heart." And that is good news indeed!

Maybe if (when?) God decides I need someone, He'll send him UPS... or Fed-Ex...

Can I get a tracking number on that?

1 comment:

  1. Amen Sista..Preach It!!! I know exactly how you feel...least favorite quote EVER..."So, when you gettin' married or having kids..or don't you want kids?" Really?! It's even started now with children asking me..Parents...if you love your kids, please tell your children not to ask those sorts of questions of a middle aged single woman, unless you WANT to see them hanging by their thumbs in a wooded area. Thank you! :) I know some have thought that I am on the "other" side, only because I have female roommates all the time..even the ones I'm related to..ok, for 1, we look and act alike sometimes and B, would they rather I live with a guy just to get THOSE rumors started?! Darned if you do and darned if you don't..I totally get that now!
    So with all that said, keep on, keepin' on sista..and I'll be there right with ya! HA!