Monday, January 24, 2011

Fail! (Or is it...)

I did this cute little video last night for my blog. And I tried to upload it... all night. It obviously failed, that's why I'm talking about it instead of letting you just watch it.

Fail. Fail. FAIL.

OK. I'm over my fail now. What shall we talk about today?

I have an idea, but first, an announcement.

My friend Keith started a blog yesterday!!! WOOOOO!!! You should totally check it out Like I said, he just started yesterday so it's a baby blog, but I am looking forward to awesomeness. He is seriously one of the funniest people I know. (Next to me, of course. JUST KIDDING!!!) So yeah. I don't know what else to say... READ IT.

OK, so today I had an awesome idea. Well, two awesome ideas. Well, one was Kristin's, but it was indirectly inspired by me. So I guess I kinda had two awesome ideas...

I am going to start a column. "Super Villain of the Week". It's going to be like a super villain. Of the week. On a weekly basis.

This is our first villain. We shall call her Jabba. (Please don't come after me, George Lucas. I love you.) She is large and in charge. We all know a Jabba. *Shudder* Most of us have probably sustained damage from a Jabba. Be afraid. Avoid at all costs. Trek through mountains if you have to.

And that was our villain of the week!

The next new thing I decided to do is on a weekly basis (it's probably not going to be on super villain day) is answer 5 random questions. I've had this idea for awhile, but I thought it was stupid. I'm grasping at straws lately. I have zero creative thoughts. So I'm relying on my lovely roommate to rescue me from this funk. (No pressure, Kris10. Or Lease-ah if she is helping you.) In the future, if you have a random question that you would like to see answered, you can send me a message (entitled "question") on facebook, or email me at katiemae85 at gmail dot com. (See what I did there? Yeah. Pretty awesome.)

Here we go. Random questions round uno.

Q: Why do women who are 40+ dress like they are 20?

A: I think it's because they so easily forget how sucky it was to be in their 20's. They are in denial. "Does this cheetah print spandex unitard make my butt look big?" "No, it certainly does not. Nothing looks big in comparison to your perm." They are slave to the "grass is always greener" mentality. No. Grass is not always greener. It wasn't greener back then, it's not greener now. Please put your boobies away. I don't care if they've been augmented, lifted, tucked, stretched, sliced, diced, wrapped around, what have you. PUT. THEM. AWAY. Dressing like a slut does not make you look younger. It just makes you look like a slut. Possibly an old slut. And no one wants to see that. Age gracefully, ladies. Keep yourselves covered. Please. I don't want to go blind prematurely. Also, I think it could have to do with the whole "cougar" mentality. Rawr. Let me just say this: "Gross". Go prey upon men your own age. Leave the cubbies alone. They're annoying after 5 minutes anyway.

(I don't think I answered that question at all.)

Q: Why don't cough suppressants actually suppress coughs?

A: It's the communists fault. They want you to be miserable and die.

Q: What is it about the ability to play the guitar that makes a man sexy?

A: Hmmm... I feel very ill equipped to answer this question because as soon as a guy grabs a guitar, I turn into a melted Popsicle. Yes, he could have JUST returned from kicking a small animal and I could put that aside to melt into a puddle of goo. OK. There are a few people I could think of that a guitar would NOT make them sexy. There are indeed some that if they even dared to go near a guitar, I would intercept it and beat them soundly over the head. But in all seriousness, I think we equate musical ability with sensitivity (?) "Oh em gee. He wrote a song. He is soooo in tune with his emotions. I could be his emotions buddy! We could stay up night after night talking and making violent, passionate love. I'm gonna have five thousand of his babies." It could just be because women are crazy. But I'm going to go with the "emotional sensitivity" answer. (But it really IS because women have overactive imaginations.)

Q: What happens to a furball if a cat doesn't cough it up?

A: I asked NJ and he said "you don't wanna know." so I slowly backed out of the garage... and ran. I'm assuming some sort of furball purgatory, but I could be wrong. Maybe it causes furry poop? Maybe that's why NJ's poop is so weird. Maybe I should stop talking about the cat's poop on my blog.

Q: What the heck is the "Dougie" and why does the Cali Swag District think they need to teach me how to do it?

A: LOOK! A bird! A bird that is on FIRE!!! (That's me avoiding a question that I have zero answer to.)

And with that, I'm wrapping up my Tuesday blog! Many thanks to Krissy the Magnificent (and Lease-ah).

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