Monday, November 29, 2010

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Good Point

If I had a penny for every wise word of advice that I'd heard while getting my hair done...

Let's just said I wouldn't be living in Kristin's basement.

Yesterday as my mom was dying my hair (because I got her "premature grey" gene) she shot me a very random question. In fact, random is a major understatement.

"What do you think of Princess Diana?"

"Um, huh?" I thought to myself, "This is a trap. Tread carefully."

"What do you mean, Mom?"

"I mean, what do you think of Princess Diana? What's the first thing you think of when you think of her?"

"I think she was pretty, and awesome, and a good mom."

"Mmhmm. What else?"

"I think she was sad and mislead by some people. But she did nice things for the less fortunate. I think she was insecure, she had an eating disorder and stuff, which was stupid because everyone thinks she was really beautiful... is this a trick question? What are you trying to get at?"

"You notice how the first thing you thought of wasn't her ugly divorce?"


"She was a strong woman. Everyone looks at her as a strong woman. Everyone thinks Prince Charles is stupid because he divorced her and married Camilla, right?"

"Oh, yeah. Good point. Prince Charles is gross."

"So, don't let your divorce define you. People think you're strong too."

Wow. I had two thoughts: A) My mom just compared me to Princess Diana. B) I hadn't realized I was still being that affected by the it, but I was even more determined to say "screw you, divorce."

Why am I letting myself be so affected by my circumstances? Former circumstances at that!

I don't want people to think about me and equate me with my divorce, so why do I think of myself and equate me with my divorce? I'm not even going to call it "my" divorce anymore. I don't want to own that thing! It's more like "that one stupid thing that happened that one time".

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Last Night.

I'm sitting here, paused at the keyboard. I'm trying to wrap my mind around it. I'm wondering how I can even explain just how awesome my night was. I'll try to keep it short...

I was just hanging around my house, when around 7 or so, I got a call from a friend asking me to go to a party with him. It was one of those "friend of a friend is having a party" parties. Not my cup of tea at all, but my friend wanted to go, so I decided to live a bit.

We get to the party, and I was already counting down til we could leave. It was everything I didn't like. Strangers, lots and lots of booze, boozed up strangers making out, dancing... it was very very uncomfortable and I wanted out.

And then I saw him.

Words are going to fail me as I try to describe this guy to you. He was gorgeous. Tall, but not too tall. Ripped, but not too ripped. He had a shaved head, but who needs hair when you look like that. I mean, he looked like Bruce Willis and Jason Statham somehow managed to have a man baby. Totally not my type, but I had a friend tell me the other day that I need to change my type.

I liked the look of change.

He saw me staring at him (how embarrassing!!!) and he made his way across the room to talk to me. I don't even remember what I said, but it must've been hilarious because I remember him laughing. It was a kind laugh, not a mean one.

I was in love.

He told me his name was B and that he was also a tag along to the party. We started talking about how much we hated parties like that, blah, blah, blah... (Even though I could tell he was enjoying it a bit more than I was, as he had a red cup in his hand. Tee hee!) We hit it off pretty well and next thing I know he was asking if there was somewhere we could go to talk... alone.

I threw "Sister Mary Katherine" (my good girl side) out the window and I suggested we go back to my house. I don't know what I was thinking. No, I clearly wasn't thinking! If you'd seen this guy, you wouldn't be thinking either!

We made it to the house and I noticed that there were lights on in the house. My roommate was at home, but she wouldn't bother us. It felt like took the longest time to get into the house. He was the hottest guy I'd ever seen, and he wanted me. Oh my gosh, it was slow motion. We get in the side door, and I notice that the lights are on in the basement. (I rent the basement from my roommate, who owns the house.) OK, again, no big deal, I'll just explain that I need the basement and she'll just go upstairs, right?

We go downstairs and she's down there doing laundry. Seriously? You want to do laundry now, Kristin? (I thought that to myself. I wouldn't say that out loud!) Also, her little cousin H is over. H is really excited to see us. OK, I might be able to shake K, but there's no way anything's going on when H is here. I introduce them both to B and we trade pleasantries.

I look at B like "what now?" and he asks "Hey, um, do you have a band-aid? I think I cut my finger."

"Oh! Yes! A band-aid! They'd be in the bathroom..." and as I walk in, he follows me and shuts the door.

Let me just tell you, my bathroom is not conducive to any extra-curricular activity whatsoever. I mean, I know that bathrooms aren't number one on the "gettin busy" list, but mine really shouldn't be. Mine would be listed at number 97 in the whole house! It simply was not working. I was going to have to go explain the situation to K.

I go into the laundry room and ask "Um, Kristin? Is there any way you could give the laundry a break for the evening?" My eyes get real big and I make a jerky head motion to the other room.

"No, I really have to have these clothes for tomorrow. They have to be done now."


"Please? I mean, just leave them, I'll do them for you first thing in the morning. I promise. I really need some privacy right now. If you get what I mean..."

"I get what you're saying, but I really need my laundry right now, so no."

A big fight ensues, I piss her off, I even made H cry in the process. They slam the basement door and go upstairs. "Great", I thought to myself. "I don't think I'm going to have anywhere to live in the morning, but it's going to be so worth it."

We make a beeline for the bedroom, and just as it's about to get good...

...My alarm goes off and I wake up.

I can't even get lucky in my dreams!

Did I have you going? I mean, come on! My basement doesn't have a door! (And I don't meet boys at parties and take them home. Have you met me? Seriously?)

In reality, I spent last night babysitting for a former co-worker. It was a lovely time. Her girls were awesome, and her dog was quite taken with me. Her blind dog.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Sick. Bleh.

You ever wake up at 3:27 am with the distinct feeling that your head has been ripped off and then sewn back on (very poorly)? That was me 6 hrs ago.

Since then, not only does the top of my head, right jaw, right ear, forehead, teeth, and just face in general hurt, my stomach has also started to revolt against me.

It's so bad that I mumbled a "Lord, if any more disgusting substances come out of my body this morning, I'm going to just break down and cry" prayer as I got ready for work. At my job, we don't get paid sick or vacation, and I'm already going to be off Thursday and Friday, so I'm just praying for strength to get through til Thursday.

Being sick is already tough enough without having to worry about money. I hate it. I guess it's just something you have to put up with if you're single and you enjoy your job. (Scratch that, you enjoy the people you work with.) The fact that I didn't get benefits wasn't a problem when I started working here because I was married at the time.

Bleh. Bleh and grr. Grr and bleh and bleh and grr. (How do I really feel? I don't know.)

At least my friend Bern made it through his surgery ok last night, and I'm receiving really fun texts from him since he's doped up. Haha!!! Gives me something to laugh at.

Monday, November 22, 2010


I had a very interesting Saturday.

One of my good friends got married this weekend. (Congrats Josh & Angela!) It was a lovely time. I got to see one of my good friends that I hadn't seen in a few months. (Missed him.) Got to see my brother in a tux! It was a hilarious day, full stupidness.

Starting off, my Mom swore the wedding was at 10:30. We're walking up to the church at 10, and my Mom goes "You know, I think the wedding is at 10." I'm one of those people who counts myself as "late" if I'm less than 10 minutes early for something. Awesome. Panic attack begins.

We get seated and I look around and I realize there are a lot more people that I hadn't wanted to see than I expected... "Ok, Katie. Breathe. You're here for J & A... and to see M and W in suits." Mom reads the program and realizes J&A are going to dismiss people row by row to the reception. Ok, again a little panic...a lot panic... but I can deal.

Marriage ceremony. Lovely, sweet, simple, short. Perfect wedding. Primo. Let's get this show on the road. I'm getting antsy.

They come back in and start dismissing people and my Mom starts looking around... then it happened. Her eyes got real big. She mutters something panicked under her breath. It sounded something like this through her gritted teeth:

"Mmrph smurgle mrph mmrrph!!"

"Um.... can you run that past me again?"

*Panicked eyes and a slight nervous laugh* "Mmrph smurgle murph MMMRPH!"

"Ya lost me."

"Nothing. Nevermind."

"Mom, you can't do that to me! I need to know!" (Judging by her face, I was guessing she'd seen a ghost... or my ex-husband.)



"______ _______ (ex boyfriend) IS SITTING RIGHT BEHIND YOU!!!"

That's it, get me outta here. I'm done. Full blown panic attack. Needed one of my heart pills but they were all at home. Seriously thought I was gonna die.

It's not that things necessarily ended badly with this guy, it's just that they ended badly. (Yes, you read that correctly.) I was a big project to him and there was no middle ground. I broke up with him three times and he finally understood it when he talked to my brother and said "Katie seemed distant tonight." to which my brother responded "Probably because she broke up with you three days ago." (And I didn't pull the whole "It's not you, it's me" thing. I used plain english. Very plain.) He let me have it through a series of very angry Facebook messages to which I just told him that he was pissing me off and he needed to give me a few days to cool down. I took three days, and then told him that we could talk, but I was not re-hashing things. Apparently that was all he was interested in. I didn't hear from him again...

...and now he was sitting behind me.


"If it's any consolation, he looks waaay more nervous than you do.", my Mom said trying to calm me down.

When it was our row's turn to be dismissed, I hugged them both, did the turn and avoid while waiting on Mom, and made a beeline for the reception. It was all good until he did the whole "I'm a photographer" cut in front of us and then did the whole "Oh hey! I didn't know it was you!" fake shock when my Mom said hi to him.


Ok, whew. There's M and there's W. Relaxation at last. The panic settled...a bit... for awhile. There was polite conversation, food, etc. M told me I have a disarming smile and that made me absolutely crack up. I was easing in to some comfortableness (not a word at all) and avoiding looking in certain directions while my Mom and I just couldn't stop laughing. She decided to go talk to him, and I couldn't stop her. I didn't care if she talked to him, I just wasn't going to.

She comes back to the table looking even more concerned than before. We make a beeline to the bathroom.

"He's moving back. He got a job. Uh oh. Are you ok? What are you thinking?"

"The words I'm thinking, I can't say because I'm in a CHURCH!"

Fast forward, a group of us are standing outside talking. It's cold, M gives me his suit coat (which was really really sweet of him) and out comes the ex. I could feel the hard-core stare down. You see, he always gave me a hard time about M and I always told him we were just friends. And now I was standing outside, next to M, in his coat.

I wanted to die laughing. Literally. But I didn't.

Ex left, the conversation ended, I gave M his coat back, Mom and I went back to the car. We talked about the ridiculousness of it all and laughed. Mom asked me if I wanted to go anywhere while we were in town, and I told her I deserved a trip to Hastings. W wanted in on it too, so we just made a family trip.

The moral of the story is this, children:

Any harship, no matter how bad, is ok if a Metallica CD is bought at the end.

Additional moral:

If you're scheduled to work on a Saturday, sometimes it's best to just leave it be.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Oh, Thursday!

I had another "rage" session with God last night. I'm not quite sure what made me snap. Maybe I'm just worn out.

A friend of mine told me last night that I'm too hard on myself. Yes, I am, but how can I not be hard on myself?

I just feel like life is one ginormous set of rules. Everyone talks about the difference between being religious and being a Christ-follower, but I still feel condemmed all the time. I don't know why. It's not like I'm doing anything bad, because the thought of being bad stresses me out too much!

How do I relax?

I just have too much on my plate. Trying to do the happy dance and do everything to a "t", not wanting anyone to be unhappy with me...


Why can't I be inconsiderate like everybody else? Why can't I make everything revolve around me? Why can't I just ignore everyone's opinions?

(All the above are incredibly wrong to do, btw.)

I just have no answers. Which also stresses me out. (Haha.)

Maybe I need some happy/my giveadarn is broken pills...

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

November 16

Walking into work today, I smelled the distinct odor of cow manure. How fitting. It is November 16th, after all.

I'm very torn on how to feel about today. Today would've marked my ex and I's 6th (dating)anniversary. (I don't even know if I used proper grammar on that one, and you know what? I don't even care! *Shock! Gasp! Horror!*)

I should just be happy, I guess. I should look back at the past happy times with fondness and move on. I should be thankful that I am where I am today. I should...

Should is a terrible word.

I think I still have a lot of unresolved feelings. I have days of deep, deep sadness. I have days where I'm more angry than I ever thought myself capable of. I have days of both. My feelings aren't the only things unresolved, the relationship was never resolved. I mean, yes. It ended. It needed to. I am 100% sure that was the right decision. It's just that I'll never know to what extent things were going on. There are some days I want to know, other days there's no way in hell.

I guess I should just be glad that I don't know. I should be glad that I don't have more weighing on me than I already do. (There's that dang "should" word again!)

But at the same time, it's really hard losing the person who was your best friend. I haven't seen or talked to him in a year and a half. (My family and friends assure me that not only is this a good thing, but also they will kill me if they find that I've had any contact with him whatsoever.) I think about him all the time. I mean, it's impossible for me not to! I was married to the man for Pete's sake! It only becomes dangerous when I start over-glamorizing things. I tend to remember the good things and I put them on a pedestal. I shut out the bad. That's not healthy, I need to remember the good and bad. I need to remember why I'm where I'm at now.


I greatly dislike this.

I don't like being a weepy mess. I don't like dreading the holidays because of memories. I don't like the fact that I set goals (perhaps unrealistic) for myself to accomplish by this time and they haven't happened.


I'm trying to put on a happy face, and dangit I'm going to! But I would also be doing myself a disservice if I just pushed things into a corner to deal with them later. I've done the "later" thing and "later" is now.


Did I mention I really really hate this?


"And Katie, what are you thankful for?"
"I'm thankful for razors and that I'll get to use one in approximately 14 days."

Wednesday, November 10, 2010


I had the most psycho dreams last night. Bleh. They put me in a weird mood for today.

I had a nice hopeful blog all written up yesterday for the 9th. (9 is my favorite number so I try to make a big deal out of the 9th of every month.) It said something about how I hoped it would be a good day and that something magical would happen. Blah blah blah.

I clicked "publish", there was an error and it hadn't even saved. It was gone. Because of that "publish fail", nothing magical happened. I'm placing the blame squarely on blogger. Way to go.

Wait, I take that back. I got to see Justin and Shaun Dane Cook Adams shared some scrumptious rice cake things from Japan with me. Those things are magical! I'm pretty sure fairies make them. And the best thing? I have a pack for breakfast. Score!!!

OK, so I take back my "nothing magical" statement. My bad.

I wonder what the 10th is going to do for me?

I did come to some sad realizations last night, but they're just more of the same. I keep falling into the same problems over and over again. At least now I can recognize them and stop them before they get out of hand. It's just frustrating and annoying. I'm annoyed at others because they keep doing the same things over and over, but then I get annoyed at myself because I fall for it every time.

My Mom informed me this morning that she likes me for who I am and she likes to hang out with me and not my stuff. Mom's always do. :) Now, if I could just get her back up here, I'd have it made.

That's another crazy crossroads I'm at. Why am I still in Mac? Every time I think I should move, I get a definite "No" from God, but I don't know why. I don't see anything amazing happening to keep me here. What's going on? I'm at a standstill. I know He's working behind the scenes, but it's still confusing. What is it? I'd like to find out sooner rather than later, but I'm not in control of that. (And that's probably for the best!)

Monday, November 8, 2010


Yesterday, while talking to three of my closest friends about this and that, I started feeling majorly uncomfortable about some things. I realized I still have a huge amount of walls built up.

Some of them are good walls. (I guess I would call them "Boundaries".) Some of them are walls I've just always had. Some of them are walls that have grown from my recent past. I guess I didn't realize how much they really bother me.

I don't think of myself as a fragile person, but I guess I kind of am. While people just tell me to ignore the walls and get over it, I realize that I just can't. There are some walls that are perfectly OK staying there, and the right person will one day help me with them.

I'm not going to take a bomb and blow up these walls. Some of them are going to have to be dismantled brick by brick. Layers are going to have to be peeled back. I'm completely convinced that some of the walls are just going to stay there. Some of them need to, at least for right now.

People don't know everything about me. They will never know exactly what and to what extent things happened. They don't need to.

I'm trying not to be paralyzed, but at the same time I'm not going to jump someones bones just to get over my sudden fear of intimacy, you know? There's gotta be a happy medium somewhere!

(If someone finds that in-between, let me know, OK?)

Sunday, November 7, 2010


Progress. I'm making it.

I think yesterday was the first day that I have actually enjoyed myself in quite awhile. (Well, I enjoyed the party last Friday, but I was worried the whole time since it was at our house.)


I had one particularly awesome moment yesterday at Old Navy. We were in the dressing rooms and I looked up and there was an ad with three skinny girls in really skinny pants, jumping, and smiling. For the first time in my life, I looked at an ad and didn't feel inadequate. I looked in the mirror and thought "I look pretty dang good!" (Which was quite the accomplishment in that harsh lighting and those mirrors, you know what I'm sayin?)

I know it's trivial, but it was a big moment for me.

I think things are looking up in some areas. Now, I just need to keep working on the other ones.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Oy vey!

Sometimes I amaze myself.

Last weekend, my roommate and I changed the lock codes to our house and garage because of some stuff that went down at our Halloween party. There were people who had the code that violated their code priveledges. (I'm starting to sound like my father.)

I thought I had told my brother the new code.

I go to sleep at eleven last night, totally forgetting that my brother was needing to crash at my house. Because my brother and cousin like to text me at all hours and I got sick of being woke up, I put my phone on silent now. Went to sleep, woke up a few times and the green light on my phone was flashing. I usually get about five emails a night, so I just rolled over. I woke up for good about an hour before my alarm went off and I decided to check my Facebook, etc.

I noticed I had three emails, a missed call, and three text messages.

Yeah, I could've sworn I gave my brother the new code. I guess I swore wrong because he had to sleep in his car for about four hours.

I am the worst sister ever!

So, where do I direct my frustration? Me? The people who made it necessary to change the code? My brother for texting me all the time so I have to have my phone on silent?

It's all me, but I think I'll blame it on the code change...

P.S. Good news! My friend doesn't have to have her thyroid biopsied! The cyst has actually shrunk! Woot!

Friday, November 5, 2010

Hero of the Day

Every now and then I become completely obsessed with a song. It doesn't happen very often, but when it does... uh oh. That song for me right now is "Hero of the Day" by Metallica. (I'm writing a blog about a Metallica song?) Yes, I've heard that song for years but this week I heard it for the first time in awhile and I just held onto it like a kid holds onto his teddy bear when there's a monster in his room.

I've heard a lot of different opinions on what the song is about, but for me it just reminds me of my years of being a prodigal child. So much of it just relates to my feelings when I look back on that time in my life. It's painful. I hate myself for it. I don't want to break the song down line by line and tell you how it all translates to what I did and what I felt, that would be ridiculously boring (and potentially embarrassing).

I was sitting in that cancer center last night and I was a mess. I was somewhere between just bawling my eyes out and jumping through the window and making a run for it. I had one headphone in my right ear, I was listening to that song and I was just in denial. How did we get here? This moment was most definitely not in my "Plan A". I wanted to go home. I wanted to go to my last place of true comfort. But I can't.

You see, the last place I called home was a little white house on South Oak Street. When we lived there, I hated it. I hated that it was so small, I hated that most kids in town would have nothing to do with me when they found out where I lived, I hated that it was supposed to be a "temporary" house and we never moved out of it. I couldn't wait to get out of there.

Now, I'd give anything to go back.

I wish I could just go back and beat the crap out of that dumb 19 year old who listened to everyone when they told her she had it so bad and that she needed to move out. I wish I could just punch her til she bled and then shake her and yell "YOU HAVE NOOO IDEA HOW GOOD YOU HAVE IT! YOU'RE A SPOILED BRAT! GET OVER YOURSELF! YOUR FRIENDS KNOW NOTHING AND HE'S A JACKASS. LOSE THEM. STAY HERE AND SOAK UP EVERY LAST DROP YOU CAN BECAUSE IT'S ALL GOING AWAY AND NEVER COMING BACK!"

But I can't do that, so I'm stuck here. I'm stuck here trying to soak up all that is happening. I feel like my whole world is crumbling, but at the same time nothing is happening at all. I honestly can't describe it. It's almost like slow motion, where you can tell something's going to happen and you're yelling "Noooooooooooo!!!".

I think my favorite lyric in the song is "No I'm not all me So please excuse me while I tend to how I feel". That's it in a nutshell. I don't think I've properly grieved and come to realize what is really going on. I just keep smiling, saying "It's OK." and moving on. But, is it really? How do I feel about this season in my family's life?

I feel like it's absolute shit. (Excuse my French)

I know it's not that way, but dangit that's how I feel.

Part of me just wants to rush though it but at the same time, I keep telling myself to slow down and not make the same mistake twice. I look back on those Oak Street days as the best days of my life, but I hated them at the time. I absolutely hated them. I don't want to get so caught up in trying to push all of "now" away that I don't soak it up. You never know, one day I might look back at all of this and long for it. I sincerely hope that is not the case.

I hope that things are going to start looking up for all of us, and that we'll be able to look back and say "Remember how positively awful 2010 was? Glad we made it through that!"

P.S. Please pray for my friend who's going through the radiation treatments. She's had a cyst on the remaining half of her thyroid for years, but with this whole breast cancer thing, they're wanting to biopsy it and she's not looking forward to that. (Neither am I.)

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Day Three

Only 31 days left. I can do this. I'm doing pretty good other than the itching and the overall feeling of grossness. If I had known that Sunday would be my last day with my silky smooth armpits, I would've enjoyed them. I would've whispered "I love you", taken them on a long walk, maybe even made a candlelight supper.

(And with that, ladies and gentlemen, the old Katie is back!)

I'm not even going to let my overall disgustingness bring me down. It's fall, baby! Woo hoo!

There's so much I want to do! There are so many people I want to see! I can't make enough time for it all! I'm being pulled in a hundred different directions and it's starting to wear on me.

I have a roommate to hang out with, I have my family and hour away who want to see me, I have an abundance of "new" friends that I want to hang out with all the time, and so on and so on.

It's kind of starting to stress me out! If I'm doing something with this person, I hear "oh." from another. If I go to hang out with the other, I hear "oh." again! I can't possibly make everybody happy. I think it's because a lot of my friends are very much alike.

How am I supposed to prioritize? If I get an attitude from someone when they hear my plans, how do I a) not bend to their every will and b) respond without exploding?

I just have no idea.

I'm getting to the point where I need to put my foot down. This is what I'm doing. This is when I'm doing it. This is who I'm doing it with. (Within moral limits, of course.) I don't question people when I hear their plans! I just say "OK!" and move on with my day.

I think I just realized something. The two that I have the most trouble with are pretty much the same exact person. I love them both dearly, but I feel I can never please either. I'm always doing something they don't approve of. That's why I'm stressed, because I'm getting it from both sides. A person who used to be in my life was the very same way.

They know how to manipulate me. They know how I am, how I operate. Hmmm... well, that gives me something to ponder for the day. At least it's something to think of besides my itchy pits.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

No-Shave November

This morning, as I was talking to a friend on the phone, I decided to do something crazy.

You see, my friend is going through a 33 day radiation treatment for breast cancer and she had her first treatment yesterday. I always promised her that if she got sick and lost her hair, I'd lose mine, if she had to go on a diet for medical purposes, I'd go on one too, if she jumped off a cliff... nah. That's where I draw the line, but you get the idea.

Because of the radiation, she's been instructed not to shave her left armpit... *Gulp* Anything but that, please. I'm one of those girls who's been known on occasion to shave her pits twice a day because I can't stand it.

(I think you can tell where this is going.)

So she says "Remember when you told me that if I had to have chemo, you'd shave your head?"


"Remember when I thought I'd have to go on a diet and you said you'd do it too?"


"I think you should let your left pit go since I can't shave mine."


We laughed about it and I decided it would be the ultimate in solidarity. My OCD took over and I decided that I couldn't just have one shaved and one un-shaved pit. I mean, come on! Go big or go home, right?

So I kinda half jokingly said "No-shave November. The guys are doing it, so why can't I?" And then I secretly thanked God that she didn't have radiation in July.

"Well, I'm going for it! It's not like I have anyone to impress, right? Hairy arms, hairy legs... Watch, I'll meet the man of my dreams now. Dang."

"Maybe you'll meet a man who likes the European look."


I don't know what scares me more, the thought of being completely unshaven for a month or the thought of meeting someone who actually finds that attractive.


Me and my ruthless loyalty...gets me in trouble every time.

Monday, November 1, 2010


This morning, as I was driving to work, I was reminded of just how lucky I am. I'm a lucky girl. Actually, I'm blessed.

As I was driving to work, I looked up at the beautiful sky and just praised God for it. The clouds were just enough to paint the sky a light grey and the sun was trying to peek though. I took my first deep breath of November 2010 air and I was in heaven.

I am a blessed little girl.

Things might not go exactly how I want them, I might be sad sometimes, and I might be downright annoyed at times with people and life, but overall I have absolutely nothing to complain about.

I thought back to two years ago when my life just completely shattered and I wished for mornings like this. I longed for them. I thought they would never happen. Now that I'm here, it's so easy to take it for granted and complain about how things are (or aren't) going right now.

I'm not at all where I thought I'd be in November 2010, but that's OK. I just hope I can look back at this time in my life with happy memories. (I'm pretty sure it's started out well! Even though Friday night was still in October, it was probably the most fun I'd ever had in my life.)

I have more friends now than I've ever had! I can go out and do things or stay in and have people over! It's wonderful! I just need to remind myself of these things when I feel down.

I am one blessed little girl and I have a Heavenly Father who is giving me what I need, when I need it, and that's all I could ever want!

P.S. For a friend of mine (on today of all days), I heard these lyrics on my stereo : "Ooooooh I want to turn up the radiation/ Oooooooh I want to glow in the dark/ Love is the one true innovation/ Love is the only art..." :D