Friday, January 21, 2011

Bipolar Bear

Oftentimes I am torn. Do I write a humorous blog? Do I write a spiritually uplifting blog? Do I write a blog that's funny with a moral at the end? Do I just bore you with what I did yesterday?


I haven't completely gotten the hang of this. The main problem is that I don't know where I fit in any of those categories in REAL LIFE! "Should I be funny now? Or serious. I suck at serious, so I'm going to go with funny. But I'm sad today, so it's gonna be deadly serious. Do people want to know what I did yesterday? I'm being self obsessed even writing about it! I'm deleting this blog!" I hate feeling wishy washy. It's almost like bi-polar writing.

And now I'm making zero sense and you're probably getting angry at me, but I'm sorry. It's just how I'm wired(?) Yeah. I'm going with that.

Moving on.

My roommate decided that I was a bad person since I didn't write a new blog yesterday, so I'm going to make this one epic... for Krissy.

The reason I didn't update yesterday was that I was in Wichita Wednesday night. Why was I in Wichita? Because Mom took me to RIVERDANCE as a belated birthday present. I hear you snickering and it best stop. You're just jealous because you can't dance and you're not cool and Irish like me. That's right. I went there.

The awesome thing was that Kansas got hit with an ice storm Wednesday afternoon/evening. I had to leave for Wichita like 3 hours earlier than I had planned. That was fine, it wasn't bad when I left. HOWEVER, by the time we needed to leave for the show, it was like an ice rink.

People were driving 30 on Kellogg. I mean seriously. People usually drive 70 on Kellogg. It was craziness. If Mom hadn't paid so much for the tickets, we probably would've stayed home. You should've seen us walking from the car to the expo hall. Mom was holding on to me and we were walking at a rate of inches per hour. I was like "Are you holding onto me so you can drag me down in a violent manner when you fall? We're not falling. I don't have insurance!"

We finally got inside (without incident) and were seated. Perfect. Great seats.

Mom and I had been joking all day that I was going to meet "Mr. Whatsit" at the show. I didn't. I met an old man instead. A kind old man and his adorable wife. They held hands through the whole show. AWWWWWW!!! I wanted to hug them.

The show started and let me just say, there was one guy who I would've been perfectly content with being Mr. Whatsit. I told Brant this and he goes "Why didn't you talk to him?" "Oh, I dunno. Because he was ON STAGE DANCING?!?!?" "Why didn't you go up front and throw your bra at the stage?" "I had too many layers on..." Riverdance probably doesn't get too many bras thrown on stage.


About two numbers in, these two ladies walk in and sit right in front of us. See attached diagram of what I then saw.

Yeah. That's right. Big hair lady. 12 O'clock. Blocking the purty man. I just hung my head in a very dramatic manner. My face was like this >:( it was incredible.

(The only thing I could think of at that point was an episode of the Monkees when they go to the movies and this lady with a big hat sits in front of Mike and he proceeds to yell "HEY! LADY IN THE HAT!!!")

That's how I felt. "HEY! LADY WITH THE HAIR!"

Life lesson #102: Never tease your hair so high that people can't watch Riverdance over it.

I even tried looking THROUGH it. Didnae work.

My Mom traded seats with me after intermission. The lady SHE was sitting by wreaked of alcohol. I mean, we're talking bathed in Kahlua. Not knocking Kahlua baths, I mean I would probably greatly enjoy one, but having one before Riverdance is just not proper.

Wait. Maybe she was thinking she'd get lucky if she smelled like a tasty alcoholic beverage. They're Irish, lady. We Irish have limits...

... You have to smell like Guinness. DUH!!!

So yeah, birds nest hair and being contact drunk aside, it was a lovely evening. (It really was, Mom. Thanks for taking me. There's no one else I'd rather shuffle like an old grandma through an icy parking lot with.)

After we got back, I went out with Willie and Brant. We had an awesome time doing handbrake turns in parking lots. It was number one. Oh, that and the awkward group hug in Dillons that was creeping out the self-checkout lady. She wasn't a very cheerful person. Dillons is the best place for awkward hugs and making strangers uncomfortable. The backwards-walking hug of 2010 is still my favorite though. '=

I don't know how to wrap up this blog...


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