Well, Mr. Postman showed up with my computer!!! (See crudely drawn post from before.) I heart it. Very much. I feel like a grow up type person now! (At least in the area of technology.)
AND THEN, last night, Mr. Sandman showed up with a lovely dream for me. Oh lawdy. I would say "I wish I could sleep all the time! It's sooo much more interesting than being awake..." but I saw "Inception" the other day and that made it ABUNDANTLY clear that I would not want to dream all the time.
Anyway. Back to what Mr. Sandman brought me.
He brought me a really cute husband. (In my dream, obviously.) I shall refer to him as "Mr. Whatsit" because that's what I always call my future husband. Don't ask. Long story. Anyway, this Mr. Whatsit, he kinda looked like Alessandro Nivola, but that's not important. OK, it IS really important, because I woke up like "YESSS!!! WHAT A SCORE!!!" and rolled over to see Cordy's face. (Sorry, Cordy, nothing against your sweet sweet furry face, but you are not a hot guy.) It was rather a realistic dream in that it was very "homey". You know, like playing house. I go to work, you go to work, we'll eat dinner and cuddle on the couch later. It was comforting. The cool thing is that the cuddling on the couch wasn't MY idea. I was married to a man who WANTED to cuddle with me! Whoa! And let me just tell you, Mr. Whatsit had very strong arms. Mmmmm.
Then for no apparent reason, I JOLTED awake at 4:20. Booooooooo. Hisssssssss.
I guess I should just be thankful for the dream cuddletime that I had. No need to be greedy.
Who am I kidding??? Mr. Whatsit! Come back!!!
I referenced last weeks sermon in Monday's blog. It was about trust. You can go to http://www.newspring.org and look for the video for "The It Factor" and watch it. You won't regret it... probably. (JK. You won't.) Trust is the number ONE thing that God has been teaching me for awhile... but especially since the start of 2011. (Insecurity is a close second on the list.)
This trust business is hard. I'm telling myself that I'm handing everything over to God, but I know dang well that I'm still holding onto it.
The area of relationships is the hardest. In my silly brain, I will not be an official person as long as I'm single. I go around getting mad at everyone else for acting like I'm not official, but the reason I get so mad is because I guess I secretly agree with them.
No flesh and blood person is going to complete or fulfil me. I shouldn't look to people or stuff to make me %100 happy. Yes, God gives us things to put smiles on our faces, but they aren't going to complete us. (That's where the insecurity raises it's ugly head.)
I'm not saying that God isn't going to ever give me my deepest desires (a husband and children) someday. I'm just saying that even if I get those things A) It will STILL not completely fulfil me B) I'll find something else to want.
I read this quote in one of my books yesterday: "No person on earth can love you enough to mend a tear in the crimson fabric of your soul."
In my silly little mind, having a husband and children will do that. It will fix me. Now, I'm not knocking having a Mr. and a couple of kids, but if I'm not happy now, I'm not going to be happy when I get "what I want".
And I'm pretty sure if I just trust and quit trying to control every little thing, He'll bless my socks off. I should probably turn those "ifs" into "whens", eh?
Can I get a Cliff Notes on this biznass? Seriously!