Monday, March 21, 2011


I'm sitting here with my old friends Pepsi and "The Suburbs" by Arcade Fire. Life is good.

Today is one of my very favorite days of the year, the day I like to call "The first day you can go to work dressed in spring attire." That's right, I busted out my very favorite sundress and my favorite black capri-length leggings! Oh, and don't forget my flip flops. (Which I totally broke last night by kicking Fren in the butt. He deserved it!!!)

I'm sitting here, in my office with seven windows, just watching the traffic and the clouds. (Traffic. Haha. Traffic in McPherson is more than 5 cars at the corner of First and Main.) Spring is in the air and I'm loving it.

My two most favorite seasons are Spring and Fall. Spring because it brings about growth and new life and Fall because everything dies so it can start all over again. Winter is just cold and Summer is only enjoyable if you look good in a bikini, but I digress.

Spring is here and I am happy.

I finally finished my book about insecurity on Saturday. The last part of the book was even better than the first part and I didn't think that was even possible.

Needless to say, on Saturday I was feeling pretty good. My brother asked me if I wanted to go to a party with him and I said "Baby steps...". I don't know why, but dancing in a tiny apartment and getting drunk just doesn't appeal to me.

Call me crazy.

(Not knocking it for everybody else, but it's not on "Katie's list of awesome times". I had my crazy alcoholic period.)

Made it through Saturday pretty much unscathed. Woke up Sunday, watched church (since I didn't go to Wichita on Saturday), showered, loaded Cordy up, and drove down to Mom and Dad's.

And then things started to go a little crazy. I just had a bunch of dumb statements thrown in my direction. Like "Why would you even say that?" statements. But isn't that the way it goes when you're trying to change something for the better? You're always going to feel attacked.

I didn't let them effect me. Normally, I would've second guessed EVERYTHING and contemplated major change in my life, such as never putting an ice cube in my coffee ever again. (WHO EVEN FRIKKIN CARES?!?!?)

I drove home at 11:00 last night and I just prayed for all the confusion to go away. I prayed that I would be able to weed through the picky statements and listen to the things that really DO need to change in my life. I prayed that the emotional confusion would go away.

I can feel myself becoming defensive and belligerent every time someone says something negative. And I don't want to be like that. Been there, done that. Let's just say NOTHING positive came of it.

I'm trying to grow in a different direction.