Monday, March 28, 2011

Baby C's

Can we talk about how I just paid $2.16 for a Diet Coke at Wendy's? I don't even LIKE Diet Coke, but they didn't have Diet Pepsi.

That's what I get for running late and not living close to a gas station.

This weekend was chock full o' fun! Worked, went to church, went to a Wichita Wild game (until halftime... they were sucking pretty bad.), ate a VEGGIE burger at Freddy's Frozen Custard, and went to see "Sucker Punch" at the IMAX.


Got home last night, watched an episode of "Archer" with the broski, talked to Kristin for a bit, and then Fren called and we Skyped until 1-something-AM.

I do not know what my deal is, but DUDE! I cried or almost cried like 3 times last night. ON SKYPE. Who does that? My inner pep talks were getting increasingly violent.

"If you cry ONE MORE TEAR, I swear I will end you."

Ok, it didn't REALLY go like that, but the thought is amusing, no?

Fortunately, I'm like a ninja at crying and I'm pretty sure it went undetected.

(Seriously, at one point David Gray's "This Year's Love" came on Fren's Pandora. It was like God was actively TRYING to make me cry.)

Stupid emotions. Stupid missing people.

Anyhoot, went to bed. Woke up at 3 something, couldn't sleep so I turned on my TV for some noise and I heard more than I ever wanted to know about the "Kymaro Body Shaper". The most important thing to know about the Body Shaper is that you should probably already be 111 lbs if you want to wear one (at least the girl in the infomercial was) OR be 65 years old.

Infomercial: "It smooths lumps! And bumps! Muffin tops! And saddle bags! Back fat! And more!"
*Cut to a scene of an old lady smelling roses in a sleeveless shirt. Her arms are spilling out and jiggling like nobody's business, but by golly there ain't a lump to be seen on her back or tummy!*

Just as I was wondering to myself if they made a chin shaper, I fell asleep.

I woke up with a mix of "Army of Me" and "The House That Jack Built" stuck in my head. I sensed that I was in trouble.

I sat up and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Apparently, I forgot to take my eye makeup off last night, so I looked like one of the "Sucker Punch" girls.

Ok, why do guys think girls are "hot" in movies when they are super skinny and have insane eye makeup, but if YOU would try to do that, they'd tell you to "Go eat a sandwich." and "Wash your face. You look like a raccoon."? Just sayin.

I got out of bed and went to my drawer to grab some clean undies...

SOMEONE forgot to do laundry, so I had to go to the "Special undie" drawer. Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about. Let's just say they've been gathering major dust, so they were practically screaming "PICK ME! PICK ME! PICK ME!" as I tried to find something that would cover my butt and not be super detected under jeans.

I felt so silly getting dressed after my shower. I was actively apologizing to myself. "I...I...I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for even buying this crap. I'm sorry that at some point in my life I thought this was a good idea. I'm sorry I didn't do laundry." I looked in the mirror and all I could think of is Dylan Moran's opinion on lingerie:


Mission accomplished. Giant cupcake, 12 o'clock. At least my "Baby Cupcakes" were properly supported. That's right. Katie looked like a bakery.

I made up for it by doing my hair all messy, putting on more eye makeup than is medically safe, and wearing black. Lots and lots of black. And heels.

I covered up the cuteness with "I will cut anyone who even THINKS about asking why I'm wearing ruffled panties".

Gah. So embarrassing. Ruffles. Ruffles belong on potato chips, not underwears.

So I'm sitting here, sipping on the Diet Coke that better have flakes of gold in it, and I'm trying to tell myself that it's no big deal that my unders are cake-tastic.

I think real cake would at least be COMFORTABLE. Some nice soothing butter cream...

And now some sadness to take your mind off all the above:

Nope... I still feel like cake.


  1. For the record: Not ALL guys think girls are hot in movies when they are super skinny and have insane eye makeup. Sure, some guys do, but not all guys.

    There are indeed many guys who are frankly tired of seeing "hollywood hot" girls all over the place because those girls all. Look. The Same. …guys who would like to see some interesting, diverse girls with some individuality and unique characteristics every once in a while. …guys who actually think cookie-cutter girls are quite boring. Just sayin…

  2. Did you wear a big ruffley bow in your hair to match your unders? Just sayin...

  3. RYYYAN!!! I didn't say ALLLLLL guys! Just sayin...

    Kristin: Heck no! Just sayin...

  4. I like how you imply that everyone instinctively knows that you're rocking the ultra delicates, today.

    Other things I like:
    "'Ruffles belong on potato chips, not underwears.'"

  5. I think they're rocking me... (what am I even saying? That makes no sense!)

    Ruffles definitely need to learn their place.