An excerpt:
Customer: Is this a picture of the staff here?
Me: Yep! That was a year ago.
Customer: Is that you in the middle?
Me: Sure is.
Customer: You looked better last year.
And the stories only get BETTER from there. (I mean seriously. By 3:28pm, I was ready to pull a "Forest Gump" and just start runnang.)
I had a woman that I used to go to church with come in and while I was helping her, I noticed she kept staring at my stomach. I hadn't eaten lunch yet and I my tummy was a bit distended. I sooooooo wanted to look at her and say "I'm not pregnant, just a little bloaty."
AND THEN I HAD A SCATHINGLY BRILLIANT IDEA.
Wouldn't it be great if we all had name tags?
^^^ Nosey ladies need judge no more! ^^^
^^^ We've all wanted to wear this one at one time or another, am I right? ^^^
^^^ This one's just awkward. Talk about late to the party. This guy would've been totes super cool in 2009. ^^^
^^^ Don't be this guy either. But it'd be nice if they came with a label... (Like their breath isn't already a clue?) ^^^
^^^ For so many girls at so many parties, this one is so true. ^^^
^^^ (This one is so true as well...) ^^^
^^^ This one would be super handy for all the people who feel it is their duty to give you helpful hints and tips on your personal appearance, even though it is SUPER APPARENT that they haven't bathed since Nixon was in office. ^^^
^^^ Avoid the person wearing this one at all costs. Their 4th grade handwriting matches their 4th grade musical taste. RED FLAG. ^^^
^^^ Sometimes, the tags might be a bit TOO truthful...might wanna rethink that one if you're attending a "Single? Wanna mingle?" event. ^^^
^^^ (See previous statement.) ^^^
^^^ Why are you out in public? Don't you have a video game you could be playing or some message board you could be trolling? (Broad generalizations are broad.) ^^^
^^^ Sometimes, the tags could be super helpful in helping you avoid the dangerous types. ^^^
^^^ (That would've been useful info...) ^^^
^^^ (Again, USEFUL!) ^^^
^^^ Awwww. This person is nice. If they aren't also wearing a "Serial Killer" label, take 'em home to Ma! ^^^
If you had a name tag, or had to tag someone else, what would it say?
Hello, I'm: Cute. And clever enough to keep up with your coolest friends. Also, not a cheater. But full of flaws, so don't think I'm cocky or anything, it's just that this is a relatively small sticker when it gets down to it so why fill it up with negs, you know? So... what do you say, you done staring at my left breast? Let's convo!
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