Thursday, April 19, 2012

How Embarrassing

Yesterday, I was a very bad girl. I threw a mind-blowing temper tantrum.

Over what?

I don’t really know.

I just needed to be ANGRY and I succeeded.

I chucked my phone all the way across my basement. (Otterboxes really ARE the way to go, folks.) I cried. I yelled at my dog. I stomped around. I even yelled at God “You know, I KNOW you love me, but I sure do not FEEL it right now.”

Then I quoted Luke 11:11-13 at Him, like He doesn’t remember it.
“You fathers—if your children ask for a fish, do you give them a snake instead? Or if they ask for an egg, do you give them a scorpion? Of course not! So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him.”

“You know, I have been asking for things for a while now and I feel like I am being given GLASS to chew on!! If You were here, I would pound my fists into Your chest and tell you how mean You are!!! I know that this is not very nice, but I am sorry. I am just so MAD!! UGH!! I JUST NEED SOMEONE TO HOLD ME RIGHT NOW!!” (Fun fact: When I am really and TRULY angry, I don’t use contractions.)

I know. I’m not proud. Yelling at God and quoting scripture at Him like I’m so smart. (Don’t worry, I apologized profusely this morning.)

And the whole time I was yelling, I KNEW in my heart that everything was going to be ok, it just didn’t LOOK like it was going to be ok.

Just because I lack faith, it doesn’t mean it’s God’s fault. Just because I’m impatient, it doesn’t mean He’s making me be that way.

Some people will probably get mad at me for being “sacrilegious” and being “mad at God”, but I don’t subscribe to a religion. I have a RELATIONSHIP with God and just like any relationship you and I will ever have, it has its GREAT times and it has its bad times. He doesn’t get mad at us for questioning or yelling. He’s bigger than that. The important thing is that we don’t STAY mad. And we can admit when we’ve been out of line. We can apologize, and move on.

1 comment:

  1. Words I have actually said out loud this week, "Oh, be mad at God. He can take it. Now, your relationship with your mother--we need to work on because she's not Jesus."