I don't know why I think I can't be shocked anymore. I don't know why I keep insisting that things are black and white. I don't know why I keep telling myself that things are exactly as I see them. No one has any secrets. No one has bad thoughts.
I don't know why I keep assuming that there's going to be someone out there for me. And I don't know why I keep thinking if he's out there, he's some perfect Prince Charming. But how bad is too bad? How much is too much? If no one's perfect, what am I looking for? How much imperfection is ok? If you're looking for red flags, everyone has them. Am I looking for fire engine red? Crimson? What about a light pink?
What are the red flags that people see when they look at me?
I'm officially giving up. Not in a pouty "I'm giving up! Oh, look at me. I'm depressed. Blah, blah, blah." It's an "I'm completely fed up with this whole mess. Lord, move or move me. Get me away from the pain. I know pain is always going to be around, just move me away from pain of this magnitude. I am in a pit and I cannot crawl out on my own. I can't even stand up. Please, carry me out of this."
That kind of giving up.
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